Support Chief Tommy and Family

January 08

Last Entry.....or begining?
Dear All,

It hardly seems that nearly a month has passed since we lost Tommy. Then again, it hardly seems that it has been nearly a year since his fall, that is really when the girls and I lost Tommy. We lost Tommy Lee Adams, Saturday, February 21st, 2009 at 8:08 pm on Preston Ave in Shreveport. It's been a long year. Only God holds the answers to all the whys.

Strangely, through the Christmas season, I began to read back over these posts from the beginning. I found comfort in my own words. Things I wrote months ago, pulled me up out of the pit I was falling into. I foolishly told myself that I was ready for Tommy to go, because I could not watch him suffer anymore. WOW, was I not prepared for losing him. As long as he was still here, We had hope. As long as he was still here, I bought his favorite foods at the grocery store for "when he wakes up". Hope is a beautiful thing. It goes hand in hand with faith, read the Word of God, The Truth, they are listed together over and over in scripture. Hope got me out of bed every morning. Hope kept me fighting for all Tommy needed. Placing all my heart, body, and soul deeply into the hope of God, sustained me. No, there was not a miraculous healing for Tommy Lee Adams. That was my prayer, my hope, but not God's plan. I have no deep knowledge of God's plan for this situation, but I have seen things around me change enough to know this "tragedy" is being used to bring Glory to God. I am able to look back over this year and know, without a doubt, that if Tommy had died that Saturday night in February, our children would have been orphans. In the last 10 months, I have grieved myself to illness. I've lost 50 lbs since he fell. My faith is strong, but my heart is broken. That's okay. God's word says that "blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted". God does not say we will not mourn, he does not say our hearts will not be broken, but be it sin of grief, Our God gives you a way out of every trial of life.

The last year was a gift from God. No, I haven't "lost it". It was a gift to the girls and I. If Tommy had to be taken from us, this was the most gentle way God could do it....for us, not for anyone else, just us.

My girls got to stand at ground zero and witness God in all his Glory. What a blessing. For every tear we cried, God bestowed a hundred examples of his love on us. Time after Time, we have seen so many acts of God's love, that I had to stop running around so much, slow down, and point each one out to the girls. There have been thousand's this year, from a card, to a phone call, to a simple text that said I love you. Every prayer, every tear, every thought from all of you, every act of kindness, from the smallest to the greatest was YOU demonstrating God's definition of LOVE. It's called Agape Love, I'm a lover of God, but not a scholar so look that up for yourself. Agape LOVE is what everything we, as Christians, believe in. Think about it. Agape is God, sending His Son to die on the cross for US. Agape love is sacrifice, it is demonstrative, it is seen. Agape love is not secret love hidden in your heart, it is Love placed in our hearts by the Spirit of God. Agape love is God. The two are one, and you can not know one without the other. You can not know God and not Love, it just doesn't work. Each of you have shown my children the Love that comes directly from God, Agape.

Tommy and I first learned this term in May of 2008, by two very precious people that became dear to our hearts, Steve and Debbie Wilson. Tommy had been back home for several months, but we still had not "gotten it right" yet. We were seeking God, but needed a direction. We attended a conference in Dallas with our church called Marriage Matters Now led by Steve and Debbie. Since the group was from Calvary and Steve and Debbie live in Shreveport, we just thought it was an excuse for everyone to get away from their kids, and escape to Dallas for the weekend. For some, that might have been it, for Tommy and I, it was to meet God. Not the God we met in Sunday School, but the living God. Steve and Debbie taught us what Agape love is. They showed us that every marriage, with it's foundation in God, comes to points (crossroads) where decisions are made. All feel that the love is gone. Three things happen, the couple divorces (usually gets remarried a few more times, repeating the same mistakes), they decide to stay "for the kids" and make themselves miserable, the kids miserable, and everyone around them miserable (this would be that 80 yr old man that flips the bird at you in the Brookshire's parking lot) (kidding), or they get real. They place it at God's feet, and dig in to work. I had already seen Agape Love, demonstrated in full force, by Tommy, for a year. Tommy dug in, took opinions from none, took advice from no one, save one, Brian Crawford. Brian's advice was one of the things that saved us. See how God works. He used Brian Crawford to save the marriage of Traci Adams, funny huh? I am so thankful for a God that see's our hearts, not what the world see's. I'm so thankful that God loves us enough to help each of us get back on his path, even when we try our hardest to mess everything up without him. That's Agape Love. Nothing we do in our stupidity can separate us from God's Love. God used Tommy to teach me this. Every action of Tommy's mirrored God's love for us. The world told Tommy to give up, God told Tommy to never stop, never give up. Tommy told me that every day, the Holy Spirit gave him enough faith and hope for just that day, and that he would wake up, and start all over. He never said he was promised the marriage back, but was promised that the reward of his faith would bring great blessings to his family. What a understatement.

It was at this conference in May that I gave my heart to God. Oh, I was a Christian, and went to church, was baptized and born-again, and had placed God in a box. I never grew-up spiritually. I acted like a child because I didn't know better. My growth and maturity started that day. I gave my heart to God, it was already his, but I gave it to him to fix. It was empty. I gave it to God and asked him to repair the damage I had let happen to it, and I asked him to fill it to overflowing with HIS love, then I asked him to present it back to my husband, clean and intact. I placed it all in His willing and capable hands and stood back. Those of you who were with us for the ride of our lives, we serve a AWESOME GOD... Amen? From that day, until the day he fell, Tommy and I experienced something I hope you all get to be a part of.....Agape Love. It was something words can't explain. We never wanted to be apart, took about 7 vacations, and had the greatest year of our lives. We had hours of conversations sitting out around the pool. At the time, I thought the conversations were strange, now, more than ever I understand them as the gifts they were. The greatest gift we received was the opportunity to have a vow renewal service on our beloved beaches of Florida. The vows were the same we took on October 10th, 1993, but Tommy and Traci were different. It all makes sense now. I was renewing promises that I had no idea were going to be tested and refined by God's own fire.

Then he was gone......just like that. No warning. No preparing. I was talking to him, and turned my back for less than a minute, and never heard his voice again. I thank God every day that we exchanged words of love repeatedly during the parade between him and myself, but also, many times between him and the girls. We were spared the pain of the "Did he know how much I loved him?" question. He knew and felt that great love, up to just seconds before his fall. Our last words exchanged were words of love. That is a blessing I will be forever thankful for, but also mindful of. If someone you loved died right NOW, while you were reading this, would you be haunted by that question? If the answer is yes, or maybe, quit reading the rambling thoughts of a broken woman and call that person and tell them you love them!!!! NOW!

The next part of the story, most of you know well. Tommy never woke up. I never stopped fighting for him. The world told me to stop the night he fell, God said no. I followed God. I promised Tommy in the ICU at Willis-Knighton, that I would fight until God told me to stop, and until Tommy told me to stop. We went to Atlanta, because God directed me there. Even there, you could see the sympathy, and lack of hope in the eyes of the staff. I still chose to place all my faith in God, not in the world. Did Tommy wake up? No? Am I damaged by choosing to have faith and hope? No? Are the girls better for that faith, and that hope? I believe the absolute peace in my heart about the last 10 months, and the decisions I made are a testimony to the power of faith, and hope. I would never tell anyone that was walking in my shoes to do things just as I did. It was MY walk with God, no one else's. It was between Me, Tommy, and God. No one else. Do I think that any of you would think I loved Tommy less if I didn't bring him home? If I had chosen Lifecare? No, I don't believe anyone would have found fault with me if I had not brought him home. I followed where God lead me, not anyone else, me. He has a purpose for all of this. For me, it was Love that brought him home. I would not even have the slightest chance to recover from any of this, if I didn't feel that I did everything in my limited power to help him recover. I would have never been at peace, or had a chance at peace, if I had done one thing different. I fought until Tommy told me to stop. He made his wishes very clear to me, the girls, and Dr Hernandez about a month before he died. He just got tired. We could not get the help we needed at home, and Tommy had to be placed in Lifecare. I knew he would not live a week out of the home. It was the longest drive of my life, from 9620 Nob Lane to Linwood, Friday, December 5th, 2009. As we rolled into his room, I knew he would never leave it, I knew he would die there. My heart broke all over again. I tried to fight a little, but by the next morning, Tommy had his final say and quit breathing on his own for the first time since the fall. The ventilator was doing all the work. I never saw his bright green eyes again. He never responded to me again. He was removed from life support, Friday evening, December 11th, and died Saturday morning, December 12th, 2:30 am. Love kept me by his side daily for 10 months, and love kept me with him until his last breath. Love will continue. It will comfort, heal, and keep us.

Romans 5:1-5

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.And we rejoice in the hope of the Glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance-character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Now that's LOVE, that is called agape love. Amen

Yours in Christ,
Traci Adams


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December 12

Chief Tommy


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November 24

update
Dear All,

I know that it has been a while since I have posted. I hardly know where to begin. Let's start with the most important, Tommy Lee Adams. He looks good. We had a scare earlier this month and he spent some time in the ICU, well, to be honest, just a few hours until I got there, loaded him up and brought him back home. I can't not seem to express to all those involved that home is where he is happy. Home is where he will stay. He has done well since then. No infections, no breakdown, those kinds of things. My only concern is that when I look into his eyes, I see a man who is tired. He's tired, it's just that simple.

When I started seeing that, I went into panic mode. What could I do different? How could I encourage him to keep fighting? Was there another doctor/treatment/facility that I could contact? How much more time could I spend on the internet looking for options, looking for answers? I haven't done enough. I haven't done enough.

The answer is that I have done my job. From the very beginning, God has, through the Holy Spirit, guided each of my steps. Guided is the key word, but this situation is His and His alone. My job was clearly outlined from the beginning. For those who are asking how did I know, believe me, when God sets your feet on a path, you know it. Tommy is my husband, I was to stand by him, go to Atlanta and be with him there, pray without ceasing for the Holy Spirit to began a teaching and guidance within me, a mind/heart/soul transformation. How's that going? Ask me before I die, I believe it will take a lifetime. I just got a crash course. My most important job was to get him home.

I had no clue that Worker's Comp aka Case Experts in Monroe (www.case-experts.com) and Hammerman and Gainer all contracted by the City of Shreveport, would turn 9620 Nob Lane into a war zone. The last 4 months have been devastating to me and the girls. We have had bills, construction, reimbursements denied every time we turn around. I have been told that there were too many fireman here, and they were concerned that "someone" was giving Tommy medications, because "the paramedics carry drugs" Every time I would fight them over these daily stupid suspicions, I would be threatened by Case-experts, Jessica Jones and Bruce Davis, with the full backing of Hammerman and Gainer with my worst nightmare. I was told over and over by these entities that they would take me to court and have Tommy removed from home and placed, against my will, into a nursing home. I was "good" for about a month, then I got MAD. There is no legal basis for ANY of their outlandish demands and threats. Take Tommy out of this home.....I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THEM TRY. As soon as Tommy, me, and the girls settled into a routine with, finally, the staff that made us all happy, Hammerman and Gainer, case-experts, Bruce, and Jessica fired ALL my staff. Just like that. Why? You will have to ask them. Basically it is because they can, and did. The new company starts tomorrow. They seem nice. Several of my current staff have, or is talking about coming with the new company, What do I want? Doesn't matter, I have no say. The new company was given the same instructions as the old company. I was never, repeat never to do ANY nursing care on Tommy. Stop for a second and let that sink in. Me, RN with 17 years of nursing experience (at the bedside), working in my scope of practice WITH doctor's orders that it's ok for me to do as much, or as little, of Tommy's care as I wanted, was denied by them the right to do any of it. There are thousand of people living out in the community with no RN or LPN that are caring for their loved ones. Why? just Why? Because they think they can. I am proud to say that all the new staff laughs at this and Jessica Jones RN, and just feel it is her inexperience and lack of knowledge, guiding her, She has no say in what happens between me and Tommy in this home.

I allowed my home to become the front lines in a war that had to stop. I've written more emails in the last month than I have in a lifetime. I even meet with Mayor Glover 2 weeks ago with the hope that I could get answers to about 2 pages of questions that I have. Again, I placed my hope in a human. As of this post, I have no more answers than I did 4 months ago. God has clearly told me to STOP. Not without pain first, but I have finally heard the words stop.

Finally, finally, praise God, finally.....I have laid Feb 21st 2009 at God's throne.

I've done my job, Tommy's done his part, the rest is not in my hands, never was. The last nine months I have grieved, fought, cried, screamed, and most of all, advocated for the love of my life. I've done all I can do, now it's not up to me. I have made sure he's home, safe, fed, warm, and secure. I have, for him, learned about all the finances, how to budget, how to float the house note, how to bounce checks and how not too. I know when each vehicle needs maintained. I have learned all he knew about our day to day living. I have, and will continue to fulfill my covenant to him. Nothing that I do will change God's plan. All I have done is just to give him a fighting chance, the rest is up to God.

Tommy is tired. I have went to his side daily for 9 months and begged him not to leave me, I can not imagine a world without him in it. I can not imagine a world with no more Tommy Adams, but I don't want to be in a world where he is left this way. His tears are now daily. Sometimes all day. He is so tired. I have always told each of you that I would pray daily for his full healing until lead differently by God, I pray for peace for Tommy. Whatever that means, I want him to have peace. I want him to have his dignity back. I want him to not suffer anymore. For the first time, I don't care how much my heart will be ripped from my chest, I want Tommy at peace. That is my prayer. I have prayed over and over for next, I pray now for an end of some kind. Ether that end is an awakening and new beginnings or an ending that will break all our hearts. My prayers are for Tommy, and his next....not mine. As always, I will stand by his side through whatever God's plans are. My prayer is simply for peace for him.

During this week of Thanksgiving, I have really searched for what it is that I am thankful for. There are really too much to name. I have a beautiful life with more blessings than I feel I have a right too, and more than I can contain. My cup truly runs over, be it love, honor, friends, support, things, people, great kids, great job, great family....I really could go on. I would like to share with you what I'm most thankful for, from an earthly perspective. If I start thanking God for my life, this computer will explode, so for now, I just speaking from an earthly perspective.

It's 4 days. I am thankful for 4 days. Some of you can, or think you can, guess some of them, but your wrong.

I am thankful for October 10th, 1993, but it's not that day that means the most to me, it's October 11th 1993, when I turned over in a bed in Las Vegas, Nevada and saw Tommy sleeping next to me. It was real, I had not dreamed it all. God had sent me my one. That morning is the most beautiful of my life. So full of a future, of promises to come, so much potential, so much love. It had not been a dream. The second and third days are just a you are now guessing. April 26th, 1994 was huge, our first-born, Alex was given to us by God, then Dec 19th, 1999, Kristen. Two HUGE days, but it's not those days, it was April 27th, 1994 and December 20th, 1999 that I'm more thankful for. When I woke up to see my babies lying asleep on the chest of my beautiful, proud husband. He was singing softly to each one (out of tune of course, but beautiful) his favorite song in the world, Silent Night. (okay for the December baby, but a little early for the April baby, but I didn't mind) and it was then that I realized, none of it had been a dream. They were all there. December 20th, 1999, I watched Alex and her Father love on Kristen, and knew that my family was complete. A woman knows, and I have never been more thankful in my life.

The last day is February 21st, 2009. I am thankful for that day, not because it is happy, but because it is not a happy day, but it was made by God. He alone holds the knowledge of why. I'm thankful for that day because that day is a covenant between me and my Father in Heaven. It's taken me 9 months to fully and finally trust God. Even through it's tragedy, it is a day full of promise and potential. God made me a promise, it's the same for you, also. Jeremiah 29:11 "for I know the plans I have for you, " declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." That's really all I need to know about February 21st, 2009. God knows the plan, it's all his and in his hands. That's God's promise to us, to you, to me, to the kids, to all his people. So, I will praise him for ALL 4 of these days and rejoice for the good and the bad, because it all comes from Him.

I really do love each of you that read these posts, thank you for being a part of our lives. May God bless each of you. Happy Thanksgiving.
Traci


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October 19

thoughts from a child


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October 09

request for help


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